THE AUTOMATIC TOILET
A large generic Rx Co is owned by a Middle Eastern firm in Jerusalem. Wonder who’s name(s) lay’s at the bottom of all the dba’s.
Coffee prices will rise at least a $1/lb…wtf is Columbia doing? Smoking??
The point of these future commodities will be explained in the saga called: THE AUTOMATIC TOILET.
Ladies be careful, men beware when you sit down to write a short letter.
Public bathrooms and other large complex’s are opting for the automatic toilet. This has absolutely nothing to do with what comes automatically when one sits on the throne.
Some insane man (for only a man would come up with this; ask ANY woman) invented a toilet that SHOULD flush when you’re “done.”
I can just imagine the testing that went on with this concept. The thoughts of pee cam’s taken to the level of pooh cam’s crossed my mind. UGH
If HIS invention worked, all would be right with the world, and I most likely be typing about something entirely different. The vast stretch of Lake Michigan I’m looking at out of the window perhaps.
However, having been interviewed regarding the 8th BEST BATHROOM IN THE WORLD by the Travel Channel none the less, (those that know me, have viewed this comedic show…and NO, I DID NOT PEE in it lol) I feel compelled to type a short commentary on the topic of AUTOMATIC TOILETS.
Now, from what I can gather thru vast and lengthy research on the internet regarding this, (again, those that know me understand my NEED to not only examine the layers of an onion, but to put them carefully bit by bit into a Petri dish...is that where Rob got his name from? – yet another story--) there is this devise that apparently should kick in and flush when one stands up.
Should.
Were that it was so simple.
But no, we as humans of the LET’S DO SOMETHING ELSE CLUB (flcharter member); a break off radical subsidiary of THE GROUP OF THEY (they say, they do, they should….) could not leave well enough alone.
It wasn’t good enough as the tail enders of the baby boomers to do what our mother’s taught us at a very young age. Wipe, stand up, flush. (hold this thought please)
“Noooooooo,” she says like John Belushi. They’ve gotta mess with it. Automation. Technology taken to it’s highest.
I wonder if the man who invented this devise did so while performing algebraic logarithms on a lap top while sitting on the throne. He must have had Mexican the night before, and coffee is just kicking in.
That or he was just too lazy to turn around and flush. I wonder about these “types.”
That, or he suffered from continual BOREDOM as do I.
Personally, (in the past now of course as these devises ARE EVERYWHERE!!!) I would simply turn around and use my left foot to flush. Hey, I needed the exercise. I stopped doing that when caught downtown on a rainy summer day and my left sandal went down the loo while performing my calisthenics. (YES I AM GUILTY OF THROWING A SHOE IN THE ROAD!!! Now just what was I going to do with the other shoe??? Sssshh…don’t tell anyone!!)
“Well, shit,” I mumbled as I watched my left sandal rotate clockwise with shit.
Yet another thought has occurred to me. If the toilet in North America flushes in a clockwise motion, if one is down under in NZ or Australia, does it flush COUNTER CLICKWISE?
EEEEEKS, with all the magnetic theories brought up by Nikola Tesla, Admiral Byrd and the Bermuda Triangle!!!!
(I just BET, that you’re either dashing off to see if the swirl of the disposing water spins clockwise or counter clock wise RIGHT NOW, or at least will LOOK and think about this in the near future….)
Well, THAT, or contacting someone you know from down under to do JUST that and report back to you. (confession: I have. They don’t even bother to question my stange requests….)
Now however, I find that I am not even NEARLY through with my business when the toilet is flushing constantly.
Now, here is where I get really creepy. I talk to the damned thing. Like it can hear me. Like a guy talking to the car when it won’t start, and why do they always say “..come on baby, start, start!” Oh, get a tootsie pop, listen to baaaaad music, shave your head and pretend to be Kojack!!! WHO’S YOUR BABY???
Ha. I say, “Shit, give me a minute, I know you’re in a hurry to turn the toilet over to someone else, I understand the concept of REAL ESTATE, and you’re probably measuring the flushes, (AND I really don’t want to know what else you’re measuring like a fast food outlet with 2 drive thru windows….) but man…I’m just not done yet!!”
Does it listen?
“Noooooooo….,” she says like John Belushi. It just continues to flush. And flush and flush. (I wonder what their water bill is…) Whoooosh. Now all of that air whooshing about gives somewhat of a BREEZY experience, and if I were so inclined to GET OFF in the breeze I just might consider it.
But I’m really not even thinking about that, as I just want to LEAVE my business and not start any, NOR take it with me!!! (And, come to think of it, why do people always say, “I’m gonna take a dump/piss.” I always LEAVE one. I don’t want to take any of that anywhere, unless of course I have a Dr.’s appointment in the morning.)
“One of these days…,” she says like Ralph Cramden….I will get to the bottom of this automatic toilet thing and write the inventor a letter, or attach this in an email to him.
Now getting back to that thought I asked you to hold…(and thank you so much for holding it too!)
On the travel channel show, they also had a toilet that had a blow dryer installed under the lid. Must be great for those who don’t shave, don’t ya think??? So much for Brazilian Wax…
Which leads me to the phone conversations I once piped through in a chat room I used to frequent, as I phoned numerous 4 star hotels and resorts asking to be put through to housekeeping inquiring as to the proper protocol of what to wipe with after using the bidet. I only resorted to phoning them, as major plumber instigators such as Kohler didn’t have a clue. But THAT, is another story. In essence, NO ONE in housekeeping HAD A CLUE.
SOOOOO, while taking care of a hose job on a bidet, what IS ONE TO DO??? Just stand up, adjust one’s skirt or pants with dribbles of water all over???
And cautiously walk away, pretending NOT to even have been there???
IF, one is supposed to use toilet paper after the bidet, wouldn’t just a simple toilet and mama’s training suffice? And if that were so, why are all bidet’s placed OUT OF REACH of the toilet paper located ironically NEXT to the toilet?
Mmmmmm…….
In conclusion, what does the futures have to do with generic drug companies and coffee beans from Columbia??
Well, I think that coffee and bathroom visits are pretty self explanatory. But as far as the generic drug companies are concerned, I just thought that I would toss that in cos I read it, and ironically has a lot to do with the side effects of a bladder control pill, which is diareahea. Watch the commercials!!!
Drinking coffee in the morning and having it KICK IN, is self explanatory. Taking a pill to stop something, and yet it kick starts something else is another thing, WELL, I guess it all “DEPENDS.”
YET….are they investors of the automatic flushing toilet as well as
bidets? Even silent????
I’m not THAT bored to do a dunn and bradstreet or hoovers dot com to figure that one out.
